She burns me like a long lost desire
occupied in the deepest realm of
fear, and familiar fantasies of
mother's breasts
and father's
negligence
and the violence we oftentimes
mistaken as love. "Come here," he said, "let me touch you"
I froze and he drove away
I still remember that man's face
I killed him in my dream
along with a thousand strange men
I know were telling girls my age
the same thing
I stabbed him with a fork
using my left hand
gauge his eyes out
His blood splattered upon my childish face
He didn't say he did that out of love
But men like him
ruined love for people like me
I'm drawn to her
the way a moth drawn to fire
singing its eulogies of its own death
I caressed her like
the childhood I never had
the day that man called me over and said
Come, let me touch you
I didn't know him
But he must have been dead
for all the demons I conjured up
and let occupy in my soul
She burns me well
with her shattered innocence and bright
light of a smile; it makes me wonder
howelse do I accept that
I too hate myself
not because I didn't know love
But because this body
has been on fire
It explains
The hatred, the fear, the loss
when I locked eyes with a lover
and felt empty: there is no reflection of myself
At least not the one I think I am
or was
How do they know they want me
when oftentimes its the devil
wearing my face inside out
And I let it
No devil has haunted me the way
Human did
And you wonder why
I want to watch this world burn
