Thursday, December 19, 2013 2:10:26 AM
I
believe that human beings are all alone. We were born into this world,
all alone, walk through life all alone and face death in your loneliest
self. Let's face it, no matter how close you get to another human being,
when the time comes, all your life time crosses through your mind and in
that stream of thoughts there might be some moments of warmness you
thought you could never forget and you did anyway, darkness consumes you
all by yourself, whether someone is holding your hand till the very end
or that you just lay by yourself reimagining you as someone else. When
the time comes, you go and leave everything, or nothing, behind, it
doesn't matter if you have someone by your side.
I believe that earth is a dark place that is full of misery and regrets. That's a matter of how you perceive it, but reality is never the same for everyone. Other people can spend all day describing how beautiful life is, it's just never gonna be the same for you. Because you would never be able to see through their eyes, just like how they would never be able to see through your eyes. We have this positive message from all sources trying to teach you how to embrace the beauty of life, look at the sun, the moon, the stars, the sources of light, listen to the wind and the breeze of spring, smell the flowers, let yourself loose into the nature. We have these people trying different ways to teach you how to live up to this "normal" way of being where you should smile and laugh and all pain shall pass, and if you fail to do that let's take some pills. Guess what, without darkness there would be no light, there are spring breeze and tornado, there are joy and pain, and there will be people walking through life unable to understand joy just as much as people fear pain to the point they take pills to avoid it. What will you do when the time comes then? If you are that much in love with life are you ready to let it all go when your time is suddenly up? Can you say your love of life is gonna ease your disappearing into an inherent nothingness which you fear so deeply inside your heart?
I believe that happiness doesn't exist without misery, the conceptualization of happiness and misery as oppositional is dialectic, in embracing and hailing happiness we fear pain. We believe that in overcoming sadness we will achieve joy. Guess what, life is not good nor bad, it just is. There is no promising that there will be a better life after all the years of struggling and fighting against what you think is miserable. Life does not promise you that, in fact what is life but a flow of what we experience as time that carved through the decay of your body and every moment passes there is something inside of you that disappears forever. We love life yet learn how to fear it half of the time, running away from it half of the time thinking we can somehow escape it, manipulate it, form it into something you believe is better than what you try to run away from. After all, what is inherently good about things that make us happy? Values are made up, accomplishment exists only within this boundaries of the preexisted structure of existence itself. What if you have done everything you could, achieve everything needed to be, then life in your eyes is still this gray zone of what isn't? What if everything said to be good does not work for you? Someone will tell you, "you just need to find what makes you happy," what if nothing does? Will you then tell me I'm a failure because I can't see things the way others did? A miserable life is a life, and hell, there are people who don't even know that life can be good, or what good is all about.
I believe that there is no such thing as meant to be. You can try your hardest and it still will not be, then how are you gonna tell yourself after all that? Do not promise people that it will get better, what if it will not? In fearing what might not be, how can one possibly be? Let's face it. You might have the light to chase away the darkness, or you might not. It's not the same to everyone. Someone kills themselves, it's just the same as someone who lives. Life and death, it's the same thing. Perhaps you are held responsible for being alive so that others do not have to remember you, nor cry over you, nor miss you. Perhaps you are kept alive so that you can be that lonely dot in a million dots, so we could all be lonely dots that keep trying to become something else, something better, something more fun, more accomplished, more fulfilled, more more.
I will not miss you the moment you disappear. Because I have always been missing you when we were together. Don't miss me when I'm gone, if you have not yet consumed to the very last drop of my presence when you can still see me. Don't call my name when I'm out of your sight if your lips have not been murmuring my name all along when I'm with you. Or perhaps just don't recognize me at all and spend the rest of your time mourning what we never had. Or perhaps we have all been too content with ourselves that the touch of other is just a moment of strangeness and alienation that we entertain ourselves with, just to let it drown onto the stream of sameness of our boring lives. I might not have realized how lonely I was until I came to know the warmth of others, then I spend my whole life desiring that which I would never have desired if I haven't felt it.
I live my life like that. Reckless, arrogant, destructive, yearning for less and longing for nothing. Perhaps I fear happiness the way you fear pain. Perhaps the momental joys scarred me more that deep pains, perhaps nothing really is. Perhaps the place of belonging we mused has never been where I feel belong. Perhaps we both run in oppositional directions because we are running from the same thing. Perhaps we both look for different things and that which brings you happiness brings me pain. But it's our lives, and in those rare moments they touch, they crack open some sources of light or they lure in the darkness. Perhaps we put each other under erasure and our worlds are parallel in that we see each other's distorted reflection through this thick multidimensional mirror and for that I will never be yours and you will never be mine. Perhaps there is no such thing as that and we are all deceived by the wired consciousness in our brain that has already been shaped into different worlds.
Those who are never mine just happen to cross my life and in our lifetime which is only a split split split second of infinity something did make sense just a little bit. Then we should go on.
I believe that earth is a dark place that is full of misery and regrets. That's a matter of how you perceive it, but reality is never the same for everyone. Other people can spend all day describing how beautiful life is, it's just never gonna be the same for you. Because you would never be able to see through their eyes, just like how they would never be able to see through your eyes. We have this positive message from all sources trying to teach you how to embrace the beauty of life, look at the sun, the moon, the stars, the sources of light, listen to the wind and the breeze of spring, smell the flowers, let yourself loose into the nature. We have these people trying different ways to teach you how to live up to this "normal" way of being where you should smile and laugh and all pain shall pass, and if you fail to do that let's take some pills. Guess what, without darkness there would be no light, there are spring breeze and tornado, there are joy and pain, and there will be people walking through life unable to understand joy just as much as people fear pain to the point they take pills to avoid it. What will you do when the time comes then? If you are that much in love with life are you ready to let it all go when your time is suddenly up? Can you say your love of life is gonna ease your disappearing into an inherent nothingness which you fear so deeply inside your heart?
I believe that happiness doesn't exist without misery, the conceptualization of happiness and misery as oppositional is dialectic, in embracing and hailing happiness we fear pain. We believe that in overcoming sadness we will achieve joy. Guess what, life is not good nor bad, it just is. There is no promising that there will be a better life after all the years of struggling and fighting against what you think is miserable. Life does not promise you that, in fact what is life but a flow of what we experience as time that carved through the decay of your body and every moment passes there is something inside of you that disappears forever. We love life yet learn how to fear it half of the time, running away from it half of the time thinking we can somehow escape it, manipulate it, form it into something you believe is better than what you try to run away from. After all, what is inherently good about things that make us happy? Values are made up, accomplishment exists only within this boundaries of the preexisted structure of existence itself. What if you have done everything you could, achieve everything needed to be, then life in your eyes is still this gray zone of what isn't? What if everything said to be good does not work for you? Someone will tell you, "you just need to find what makes you happy," what if nothing does? Will you then tell me I'm a failure because I can't see things the way others did? A miserable life is a life, and hell, there are people who don't even know that life can be good, or what good is all about.
I believe that there is no such thing as meant to be. You can try your hardest and it still will not be, then how are you gonna tell yourself after all that? Do not promise people that it will get better, what if it will not? In fearing what might not be, how can one possibly be? Let's face it. You might have the light to chase away the darkness, or you might not. It's not the same to everyone. Someone kills themselves, it's just the same as someone who lives. Life and death, it's the same thing. Perhaps you are held responsible for being alive so that others do not have to remember you, nor cry over you, nor miss you. Perhaps you are kept alive so that you can be that lonely dot in a million dots, so we could all be lonely dots that keep trying to become something else, something better, something more fun, more accomplished, more fulfilled, more more.
I will not miss you the moment you disappear. Because I have always been missing you when we were together. Don't miss me when I'm gone, if you have not yet consumed to the very last drop of my presence when you can still see me. Don't call my name when I'm out of your sight if your lips have not been murmuring my name all along when I'm with you. Or perhaps just don't recognize me at all and spend the rest of your time mourning what we never had. Or perhaps we have all been too content with ourselves that the touch of other is just a moment of strangeness and alienation that we entertain ourselves with, just to let it drown onto the stream of sameness of our boring lives. I might not have realized how lonely I was until I came to know the warmth of others, then I spend my whole life desiring that which I would never have desired if I haven't felt it.
I live my life like that. Reckless, arrogant, destructive, yearning for less and longing for nothing. Perhaps I fear happiness the way you fear pain. Perhaps the momental joys scarred me more that deep pains, perhaps nothing really is. Perhaps the place of belonging we mused has never been where I feel belong. Perhaps we both run in oppositional directions because we are running from the same thing. Perhaps we both look for different things and that which brings you happiness brings me pain. But it's our lives, and in those rare moments they touch, they crack open some sources of light or they lure in the darkness. Perhaps we put each other under erasure and our worlds are parallel in that we see each other's distorted reflection through this thick multidimensional mirror and for that I will never be yours and you will never be mine. Perhaps there is no such thing as that and we are all deceived by the wired consciousness in our brain that has already been shaped into different worlds.
Those who are never mine just happen to cross my life and in our lifetime which is only a split split split second of infinity something did make sense just a little bit. Then we should go on.
