1. why kisses always taste like a bad joke
I made love to my sadness, but it was so sad even the tears are not coming
My reflection on the mirror judged me for trying
She said. No. What are you doing.
I'm loving you, I said. Making love to you.
But we hate each other. She said. This is nonconsensual sex.
2. You need to get over your own shit
Despite what you have watched growing up, my dear, depression is not cute.
People don't find it attractive. Do not romanticize it. Take pills. Go to therapist. Nobody is going to want to cure you, rescue you, feel for you.
Oh please. Shut the fuck up. Nobody is gonna cure me because they're busy licking their own wounds. Depression is not attractive, but if you need to let loose, we can go to hell together. Sorry, I forgot you are normal. Still, if you need to, we can go to hell together. Sorry, what. Oh yes, we should aim higher, since all the devils are here.
3. Another bad joke
I love you.
4. Don't flatter yourself, it is not for you. That bitch in the mirror is never gonna let me say it to anyone without judging the shit out of me. And she's right. Ones who can't love their reflection do not possess the capability to feel for anyone.
But you hate people, she said.
Unable to feel is like sitting in a dark room and hearing all these noises outside. You have no idea what's that about, but you don't give a fuck. It's so dark inside.
You do hate people.
No, I mostly hate you.
5. Another bad joke
Please forgive me.
6. At this point you must have been sure about what you doubted. You are so sure you don't need to listen anymore, so you can eagerly pass on judgements and listen to your own voice. Nothing anyone says or does can help change it. Your belief is confirmed.
Welcome to the gray zone. Read the instructions for more details. Here it said:
"The gray zone is an utopia of confused and unclear thoughts, with a touch of nostalgia and déjà-vu, contains mostly shameful moments of rehearsed speech that never made out of one's mouth on time. The gray zone is the perfectly comfortable space for uncomfortable thoughts, where you can just say something just because. Or not say something for the same reasons. Or who gives a fuck, we don't care. Nobody cares in the gray zone".
You know why people kill themselves? Because they don't know the gray zone exists.
7. Speculations
One day, everything I had been through will become a big fucking joke. You happy?
